Ever seen the movie Mean Girls? Makes me laugh so hard every time. Yes, it is lame and cheesy and Lindsay Lohan was already old news by then, but there is still something about that movie that is so realistic. Maybe it’s the fact that a ton of the cast are from Mad TV/SNL so they are all about improv and know how to act from life experiences, but they speak the truth: Girls. Are. Mean.
Sometimes I love being one. A girl, that is. I love what we can get away with. I have been pulled over by the police 7 times in the last 9 years. I have NEVER been ticketed. Lol, don’t try and tell me that has nothing to do with the fact that I am a girl. And if you are reading this and I drive your little children around, don’t worry. They weren’t bad offences—just lame ones. I have a funny story about getting pulled over by a cop named Trent in San Francisco in 2004. : )
I love pink. I love sparkles. I love Maya Angelou and Deanna Carter and Ace of Base. I like wearing dresses and I love being able to be open and honest about my emotions and feelings, things that are widely acceptable in our society.
Speaking of being open and honest, sometimes that it is really bad thing. I can’t say much about the reason I am writing this post, but I will just say that I am feeling really frustrated that in one area of my life there is an overload of negativity and cruelty from girls, and it makes me not want to be one. It makes me realize that girls are terrible towards each other and as hard as I have tried to curb this in my life, it just keeps coming up. Gossip, back-stabbing, senseless talking about other people. It’s funny, because when you are a part of it, it seems okay somehow to engage in it, but when you are hearing it as an outsider, it is like razors.
It’s made me think lately. A lot. I almost titled this post, “To Know or Not to Know”. Because I have been thinking a lot about the things people say about ME behind my back. It would be totally naive to think that it doesn’t happen. It does. This is life. It sucks, but it’s true.
If I had the opportunity to overhear what those (most likely) girls were saying about me, would I want to know? Would you? Would you really want to hear people say mean things about you?
Myranda and I were talking about this a few weeks ago, and I actually toyed with the idea that I just might like to. As you all know from this blog, I am constantly on the search for self-discovery and self-improvement. Could I look at that gossip as an opportunity for growth? Am I mature enough to swallow my pride and look past the meanness?
I wish I could say that right now I would be stable enough to overhear a mean conversation taking place about me, but in actuality I don’t think I could. Not right now. Not when I am working with such fervour to rebuild myself; who I am and what I believe and what I know I deserve. And it breaks my heart to think that someone out there would say terrible things about me when I am so broken.
I’ve done a lot of thinking. I try very, very hard to have pure conversations with people about people, but I am going to make even greater strides now to have compassion for those around me. Because you just never know what they are going through. Right?
It’s not like me to care about what other people think about me, and I am not gonna start now. Yes, there are a few people in my life who are not very nice, but that doesn’t mean I am not going to show them love. My co-teacher always says we need to “kill em’ with kindness”. Don’t you think that makes a lot of sense? That’s the kind of legacy I want to leave behind. I want to be a nice girl. Not a mean one.
Anyways, we may still be wearing winter coats around here in BC, but I do hope you all have enjoyed your last weekend in May, as chilly as it was.