A silver ball hangs from the centre of the Christmas mobile I made a few weeks ago. It confuses me a little bit because I don’t remember why I made it. Christmas is always a bit of a tough season for me emotionally, being the sensitive girl that I am.
It says This Too Shall Pass and I don’t know if that was a good thing at the time or a bad thing. A bit of both probably.
Do you remember being little, standing in the middle of a crowded room, and feeling like you were in everyone’s way? That pretty much sums up where I am at emotionally right now. I feel like I’m butting heads with people, getting on nerves, messing everything up, saying the wrong things…and I don’t know why. It’s really getting hurtful. And it is making me want to throw in the towel. I don’t feel adequate right now, like I’m not quite measuring up the way people are expecting me to.
In a few days I will have my first break from work that isn’t just a long weekend…Other than being sick 1 half-day this year, I haven’t taken a single day off work since April 2010 when Myranda and Randy and I went to Cali for 4 days. It’s definitely time. And it won’t be easy to watch the numbers in my bank account dwindle or to have to borrow money from mom, but I have been working 3 jobs and trying to be everything for everyone and I am losing it. For real losing it. It’s break time, baby.
On Monday I sat in my car at Save-On and cried my little eyes out when a song came on that the choir sang in this year’s production…I am, if nothing else, rocking out #12 on my First Day of Christmas post…
“12) Allow myself to feel the overwhelming emotions of the true meaning of Christmas.”
Maybe I embarrassed myself in that parking lot by crying so hard and making passerby’s worry, but it’s okay. I needed to cry, I needed to be thankful, I needed to realize what an incredible gift we have all been given…
The heartache, the sadness, the inadequacy of this world we live it, it too shall pass.
But so will the joy, the laughter, the friendships and the beauty…
So although this too shall pass, let’s allow ourselves this Christmas to just be.
Be yourself. Because you are beautiful.
And don’t you forget it.