A Long December

One of the things I so badly wanted this Christmas was to talk to my closest South African friend, Laura. She walked me through some tough s**t when I was over there, along with being the first person at my bedside in the hospital after I was hit by that cement truck in ’07. I miss her. So badly. And I’m so very thankful we got a chance to connect this Christmas, and we had a really good talk despite the fact that I had to call three different times because we kept getting disconnected. That’s fine though, because despite all our 2011 (almost 2012 ) technology, I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that my cordless phone in White Rock, BC can reach her cordless phone in Pietermartizburg, South Africa. Amazing.

Anyways, I’ll get to my point.

She asked me to tell her what the highlights of this year were for me, and the silence that followed probably cost $10. I really struggled to answer her. Why? Why was it so hard for me to come up with an answer for her? I have had a good year. But maybe not a great one…

Not that I really want to be bringing this up again after so much time, but it has to be said…not many of you know this, but Brian and I almost broke-up for good on New Years Eve last year. We should have, now that I have gained some clarity. And we also almost broke up in February. We actually should never have started dating in the first place, and I blame it on the star-filled sky that summer and the endless days and the excitement of newness…but New Christina knows better than Old Christina and I should have seen the signs but I didn’t. Anyhow, all this to say that as you know, he and I lasted until April. And by lasted I mean struggled. And I truly mean struggled…we rang in the New Year broken and frustrated and upset and both only thinking of ourselves. I was so sad about that, because I think in my heart I really wanted 2011 to bring awesome things to my life…big things. Life-changing things. You know what I mean. So while those dreams were shattered in April when we finally called it quits (which I haven’t for a single day in my life regretted), new dreams were formed.

Yes, it was a really hard year. A super duper hard year. But thank you, Laura-Loo, for asking me such an important question. When I think back on 2011 am I going to remember pain? Am I gonna remember a broken heart?

Or will I please please please remember JOY? Freedom from people who hurt me?

So if I could rewind time and have Laura ask me again what the highlights of this year were for me, I would tell her without hesitation that my heart is FULL of love and gratitude for all that 2011 brought….

*********************************

In 2011 I reconnected with my DAD! I can’t even comprehend the wounds that were healed on my 27th birthday when he phoned me for the first time after so many years (I can’t even remember how many it had been but it doesn’t matter now!)

In 2011 I joined the wonderful world of the Canuck-obsessed and LOVED every moment of it! (Um, except for the last moment in June…you all know what I am talking about)

In 2011 some insanely meaningful relationships were formed and pieces of my heart now belong to a few beautiful women out there who know exactly who they are.

In 2011 I went camping LOTS!

In 2011 I joined the band at church and have had a blast with my “family” there that have embraced me and all my flaws and have walked me through some sad times.

In 2011 I learned to deal better with conflicts and have become more solid in the way I work through things.

In 2011 I recorded in a studio for the first time and felt like I was in heaven! (click here to listen!)

In 2011 I “met” my Auntie M for what feels like the first time (sorry about my bad memory, Auntie M!) and feel so lucky to have even more family in my life.

In 2011 I finished my first-year at UFV…FINALLY. Jeesh. That “only” took 3 years!

In 2011 I got a TATTOO!!!

In 2011 my Kylee Ray (okay, okay…Kylee Hannah) was born and has brought so much JOY to my life and obviously to my best friend’s life, too!

In 2011 I completed my first half-marathon! And I’m doin’ it again this year, baby!

In 2011 I moved into my cottage and have never felt more at home in Abbotsford.

In 2011 I celebrated ALL this and more for which I am thankful with all the single ladies, who I didn’t even know existed.

And in 2011, above all else, this girl got her precious heart back. Not broken, also not perfect, but mine. All mine.

***************************************

One of my favourite songs of all time is Long December by Counting Crows. And yes, it’s a little depressing, but gets to me every time…

(and it’s been a)

Long December and there’s reason to believe

Maybe this year will be better than the last

I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell myself

To hold on to these moments as they pass

Yes, friends. Hold onto these moments as they pass. I don’t know if it’s a phase or what, but lately I have been so aware of time and how fast it’s going. And while 8 months ago I couldn’t wait for this year to be over, now I am realizing that I it was probably one of the best years of my life. I am changed and having growing pains, but that’s life!

Happy happy happy New Year, my dear friends and family!

“Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.”  ~Benjamin Franklin

AMEN BENJAMIN FRANKLIN…amen.

~C

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