Not even 5 minutes ago I did something pretty huge.
Something that brings me excitement and also a little bit of apprehension…
But it’s done. No looking back now.
That’s such a crazy place to be in life, hey? That place where you know fully that a decision you just made could potentially change the course of your life… that place of being aware of the fact that all because your finger ever so lightly tapped “send”, everything could either fall apart or, rather the opposite, fall into place…
Well, I hit send. Hit it without hesitation and there is no looking back.
My application is complete and has officially been sent to Cast-a-Way Cruises, which means that quite possibly, I could in the next year or even less be setting sail on one of either Disney Cruise Lines, Princess Cruise Lines, Royal Caribbean, Alaskan Cruise Lines, and so on.
I CAN’T believe I just did that!!!
And yet I am so happy I did.
Maybe this is all just a phase; a little bit of post-vacation fall out blues…a dream bigger than staying in Abbotsford and working at a job I don’t love. But that’s okay. Right?
In Corrina Corrina, Molly is told by her beloved Corrina that her late mother is an angel…and Manny isn’t too happy about that at all. But when he tries to convince Molly that Corrina is wrong, that heaven and angels are just things that people made up so they would feel better about themselves, she bravely replies, “what’s wrong with that?”.
I agree with Molly.
What’s wrong with doing a little bit of active dreaming? Of putting faith to the test by taking a huge leap off the edge of the cliff? It’s not hurting anyone. And I need right now something to take the edge off the fact that it is still, in essence, winter. What a very long one it’s been.
And so I dream.
Of coordinating children’s and youth programs onboard a vessel bound for milder, much warmer, winters. Of rekindling my LOVE for other cultures, daring adventure, and new friendships. Of change.
Yes, I dream of change. It’s been 4 years since I returned from my beloved Africa, and while many times in this past challenging year I have “threatened” to run away from it all and return to that place, it isn’t what I’m feeling called to right now. I miss it with every part of me, and one day I WILL go back. But right now, I’m digging the idea of a long, LONG cruise. The open sea.
Not so long ago I thought I was “ready” to settle down and stay put…to become a wife and a mother, but it has to be said and I might as well be the one to say it: that just doesn’t seem to be happening, nor does it seem like it will anytime soon. And so I will heed the advice of women in my life who look to me with slight envy for my “freedom”, and I will go.
I will go while I am young and while I am not tied to this place. As much as I love Canada, I have the rest of my life to settle in and live here. I’m tired of being cold. I don’t like it at all.
Whether Cast-a-Way works out or not, there are still definite changes in my ever-so-near future. New employment right around the corner, maybe even a change of location. Who knows?!
Lots of people in my life get so excited when I tell them that I just don’t know what life is going to look like, and I am trying to mirror their looks of excitement rather than give in to what I could be feeling instead…which is fear and stress. It’s just not worth it.
I know this looks freakishly like the Titanic, but let’s not focus on that…to me it looks like a DREAM COME TRUE!!
I’ll keep you posted!
Bon Voyage! (just practicing) 🙂