Because I Love Her

Hi Friends,

It’s not often I stop by on a Saturday afternoon, but this was important, so here I am!

This is Kristy:

She is awesome. This is a halfway picture taken of Kristy after 10 weeks of butt-kicking and body-changing. She is in a 20 week lifestyle challenge and needs your votes to progress into the next round.

I am always wary of voting for people in contests like this because I worry that the process will turn into a hour long rat race of clicking and being re-directed, leading to a million spam emails from the people who promised not to sell your address. SO I usually don’t vote for people on these things. BUT this one is worth it. It took me like 5 minutes and they haven’t sent me any emails except to confirm my votes for Kristy.

PLEASE vote for her. She really deserves to move forward in this contest and can’t without us.

So go to http://tmc.gofusionfitness.com/ and support my friend! I know she would do exactly the same thing for me! And also, since I am on my own weightloss journey right now, she is such an inspiration to me. If you vote for her it’s kinda like you are voting for me, too!

Love you guys!

~C

Advertisements

Can’t Get You Out of My Head (March)

Kathleen Kelly: “No, I know what you mean, and I’m completely jealous. What happens to me when I’m provoked is that I get tongue-tied and my mind goes blank. Then, then I spend all night tossing and turning trying to figure out what I should have said. Even now, days later, I can’t figure it out.
Joe Fox: Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could pass all my zingers to you? And then I would never behave badly and you could behave badly all the time, and we’d both be happy. But then, on the other hand, I must warn you that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.

Welcome to a brand new series, my friends; a series I could have named “These are my Confessions”. But since Usher already has an album with that name, we’re going with this name.

Confessions, admissions, regrets, secrets…yes. It’s gonna be good. These posts will be the things that I wanted to say in the moment that I never got the chance to say. Or maybe didn’t take the chance to say. Every month will be different. Every month will be healing. Every month will help me get one or two more things out of my head. Because for me, there is nothing so relieving as writing something down and knowing it’s out there for the world to see. Transparency, baby!

And much like Kathleen Kelly, I, too, have trouble in the heat of the moment formulating sentences I so desperately want to have said in hindsight. So when I saw on my friend’s blog that she takes the time each month to say exactly what is on her mind, I was inspired, and I will be the first to admit that I stole the idea. With permission, of course.

My first confession is something I have been wanting to say for a LONG time to you guys but never really knew how to. It’s awkward to talk about but…

~I have lost 18lbs since January. 

Why is that a confession and not a victory, you might ask?

It’s because I feel like a hypocrite. That in itself might hold more weight to the confession thing than losing the actual weight is. Here I am, writing a blog about being yourself, about how we are all perfect in our own ways, blah blah blah…and now I, of all people, am trying to alter that?

No, not alter.

Improve.

There was a morning in January where I woke up and didn’t want to get out of bed. Yes, one of those mornings. But the reason I didn’t want to get out of bed is because I knew that when I went to find something to wear to work, nothing would fit. And I mean nothing. That isn’t an exaggeration. Every pair of pants I owned were too small for me. My go-to Lulu’s and City of Abbotsford jacket were too small for me. In December I had spent $15 on a purple top at Target, and THAT fit me…but I found it on the maternity sale rack. MATERNITY, people. I was an unhappy girl.

So, it’s time.

On January 8th I joined www.loseit.com and I am not gonna say it changed my life, but it was a start. I started getting excited about getting back in shape, but was cautiously optimistic at the same time. I also started training for the Sun Run again, which is kinda Confession #2. I didn’t want to write about it on this page because I was afraid I would fail and not be able to complete it and have to face you guys in addition to myself. But here it is. I am training.

And between loseit, my running, and some wicked self-discipline, I have gone from 220.2lbs to 202lbs in 10 weeks. Not exactly in the running for the Biggest Loser, but it’s a start and I am proud of myself.  My clothes fit again and I feel so much healthier. It also helps that I am not doing this alone. There are 5 of us on loseit who all have our accounts linked and we can check in on each other and encourage each other every day. Kinda like a really exclusive facebook idea. It’s actually quite fun! If you are on loseit, add me!

This is the first time in my life I am losing weight to FEEL better rather than to look better.

It feels good to get that off my chest. Maybe I shouldn’t look at something like this as a “confession”, but for me this was a good way to share what was on my heart. Next month I have a few more things to talk about it that I wouldn’t normally say, so stay tuned.

I’m sure you have all seen this picture circulating around facebook and pinterest, but I wanted to share it anyways. It’s pretty cool.

Thanks for listening to my heart this evening ❤

~C

Cast-a-Way

Not even 5 minutes ago I did something pretty huge.

Something that brings me excitement and also a little bit of apprehension…

But it’s done. No looking back now.

That’s such a crazy place to be in life, hey? That place where you know fully that a decision you just made could potentially change the course of your life… that place of being aware of the fact that all because your finger ever so lightly tapped “send”, everything could either fall apart or, rather the opposite, fall into place…

Well, I hit send. Hit it without hesitation and there is no looking back.

My application is complete and has officially been sent to Cast-a-Way Cruises, which means that quite possibly, I could in the next year or even less be setting sail on one of either Disney Cruise Lines, Princess Cruise Lines, Royal Caribbean, Alaskan Cruise Lines, and so on.

!!!

I CAN’T believe I just did that!!!

And yet I am so happy I did.

Maybe this is all just a phase; a little bit of post-vacation fall out blues…a dream bigger than staying in Abbotsford and working at a job I don’t love. But that’s okay. Right?

In Corrina Corrina, Molly is told by her beloved Corrina that her late mother is an angel…and Manny isn’t too happy about that at all. But when he tries to convince Molly that Corrina is wrong, that heaven and angels are just things that people made up so they would feel better about themselves, she bravely replies, “what’s wrong with that?”.

I agree with Molly.

What’s wrong with doing a little bit of active dreaming? Of putting faith to the test by taking a huge leap off the edge of the cliff? It’s not hurting anyone. And I need right now something to take the edge off the fact that it is still, in essence, winter. What a very long one it’s been.

And so I dream.

Of coordinating children’s and youth programs onboard a vessel bound for milder, much warmer, winters. Of rekindling my LOVE for other cultures, daring adventure, and new friendships. Of change.

Yes, I dream of change. It’s been 4 years since I returned from my beloved Africa, and while many times in this past challenging year I have “threatened” to run away from it all and return to that place, it isn’t what I’m feeling called to right now. I miss it with every part of me, and one day I WILL go back. But right now, I’m digging the idea of a long, LONG cruise. The open sea.

Not so long ago I thought I was “ready” to settle down and stay put…to become a wife and a mother, but it has to be said and I might as well be the one to say it: that just doesn’t seem to be happening, nor does it seem like it will anytime soon. And so I will heed the advice of women in my life who look to me with slight envy for my “freedom”, and I will go.

I will go while I am young and while I am not tied to this place. As much as I love Canada, I have the rest of my life to settle in and live here. I’m tired of being cold. I don’t like it at all.

Whether Cast-a-Way works out or not, there are still definite changes in my ever-so-near future. New employment right around the corner, maybe even a change of location. Who knows?!

Lots of people in my life get so excited when I tell them that I just don’t know what life is going to look like, and I am trying to mirror their looks of excitement rather than give in to what I could be feeling instead…which is fear and stress. It’s just not worth it.

I know this looks freakishly like the Titanic, but let’s not focus on that…to me it looks like a DREAM COME TRUE!!

I’ll keep you posted!

Bon Voyage! (just practicing) 🙂

~C

Do You Believe in Magic?

Can anyone else hear that old McDonald’s theme song running through your head right now? I sure can. It was a good one…much better than the new “Ba Da Bah Bah Bah-I’m Lovin’ It” jingle!

This recent trip to Disneyland was my third time being there. I went once in 2004 for a day with my old pal Amanda. That was my first visit ever to the Magic Kingdom. I was 20 years old and in heaven. Even though the visit was short, it was extremely memorable and such fun. The second time was with Myranda and Randy for a day, and equally fun but equally short!

But this time?

This time was very different for 2 reasons: First of all, we stayed across the street from the entrance (spoiled, I know), and we went for 3 whole days. And the second reason it was different was because I got to experience it with children.

These precious children, to be exact:

Honestly, I was a bit nervous about traveling with kids, since I never really have before. Obviously I have been around little ones my entire life, but spending 9 days with them? That was a new one. However, these two cuties were absolutely amazing, and they seriously made the whole Disneyland experience a thousand times more magical than anything I have ever experienced.

They believe in magic.

And it was contagious. I saw Disneyland through new eyes.

These two? All of a sudden they were REAL princesses.

I got to be excited about that! I jumped up and down and waved as frantically as the next 5 year old 🙂

And rides that were fun last time took on a whole new meaning. Just like that I got to be Wendy Darling seeing Neverland for the first time ever. I got to be Ariel under the sea. I got to be an explorer adventuring with Indiana Jones.

All because these two sweet kids reminded me how to be little. And I am so so grateful for that.

We experience rare but beautiful moments in life and love that would be lovely to freeze…maybe for you it was your wedding day, or the day your baby was born. Maybe it was crossing a finish line or getting your first car. But for me?

For me, a moment I would PAY to have etched in eternity would be the one where E’s head rested on my shoulder as she watched the fireworks…

..the moment I heard the sweetest, purest gasp of excitement I have ever heard in my life as she saw Tinker Bell fly across the night sky during the fireworks. God bless that moment…I cried magical tears that night.

She believed.

She believed that before her very eyes, Tink was dancing in the moonlight. And I will never ever forget the sound of her voice that night, the way her eyes got bigger than dinner plates, the way she gripped my neck tighter than ever in excitement.

I, too, believe in magic. Because I experienced it that night.

It’s the magic of pure, unadulterated faith. It is beautiful.

Tink really does fly across the sky at night, by the way. It’s something every single person in the world should get to see.

You’ll believe in magic, too.

I promise.

~C

From Winter to Spring, Overnight

Hey old friends. It’s been a long time since I’ve used this space to truly pour my heart out…to really share what’s on my mind, and I miss it. But it’s been a tough couple of weeks months for me, and writing has taken a backseat to staying alive. Not in the literal sense of the word, but rather in the mental sense. The rain has been driving me to insanity lately…days where I don’t want to get up, don’t want to move, don’t want to face the day. And I know I’m not alone, but I also just want to say that while I have been having feelings of depression, yes, I don’t feel like dying or anything. I’ve actually been fairly impressed with myself this winter that I am even able to get out and go for runs and get items knocked off my to-do list. That being said, though, I am still struggling big time.

BUT!

All those crappy crappy feelings went straight down the drain yesterday when I saw these beautiful little words…

Every ache left my body, every negative thought, everything other than feeling complete joy and excitement. Dude, this is SO my element. It’s my 7th or 8th trip here to SoCal and I physically ache for it when I’m not here. So needless to say, I am feeling EXTREMELY blessed and grateful on every level to be here.

Last night about an hour before sunset, I sat on the deck of the pool and took a moment to fully and properly thank God for everything…and I mean everything. Not just this trip, not just Cali, not just these amazing people I’m blessed to be here with. But for everything. Even for the rain and snow and grey back at home…because there is beauty everywhere.

Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.

I’m thankful, guys. More than I could put into measly little words on this page. But I just need to express that desperately. I am in love with life and with love itself. I’m flying high. These words aren’t said to inflict jealously on anyone…just my own need to say thank you to God and to the Werner’s for never, ever letting me forget that I am family. To be loved and cherished fiercely and wholly is the most amazing thing ever.

~C