This time three weeks ago, I thought the world was ending. Life just sucked. I’m sorry to say that, but it’s true. At that point there were seven and a half weeks left until I left for Germany, and it felt like AGES. I honestly couldn’t wrap my head around how I was going to get through those 50-some-odd days until freedom set in.
Now there are only 4 weeks left (okay, okay…four and a half), which translates to 32 sleeps, 23 teaching days, and 4 glorious weekends left until one chapter of my life closes and another opens. How can that even be?
Now that I am in a better head-space than I was a few weeks ago, I am realizing how short a time this actually is.
In less than a week I am moving out of the cottage and in with some friends until I leave…and while a part of me will most certainly mourn this, another piece of my heart will rejoice, because I know with all my heart that when God closes a door, a window opens. I don’t know where I am going to live when I get home in September, but wherever it is, I will be safe and warm and dry, and I have a soft place to land. People who love me. Who want me to live with them. So it will be okay.
In being so aware of the gift I have been given, this gift of 10 weeks to just be Christina Chantal without the stress I have been carrying, I have been thinking a lot about how I am going to spend my precious time away this summer. The last thing I want to do is waste it by being lonely over there. Being lonely, for me, often leads to self-destruction…negative thoughts followed by negative actions (read: over-eating and then being tempted to throw up). My friend Karen wrote on her facebook page the other day, “when you fail to plan, you plan to fail”. Well, I really don’t want that at all.
The list, which will most definitely go on (and on and on and on), is going to help me stay focused while I am there. And I’d really like to have some sort of routine which includes lots of naps! I’ll be jumping over to the UK for 2 weeks in the middle of the summer and hopefully travelling around Europe sporadically while I am there (it is SO cheap to travel once you’re there!) so obviously I want to be flexible, but staying somewhat grounded and having goals while I am there will be good for me.
In the meantime, I am dedicated and committed to finishing strong here. I’m doing my very best at work, exercising every day, still losing weight, being responsible and tying up loose ends, like changing my addresses and stuff. I refuse to let this stuff weigh me down when I am right around the corner from a grand adventure.
I am writing this post in my car in the Starbucks parking lot, while my landlords give tours of the cottage to a few potential renters…part of me feels territorial and a little sad that it’s not me. After all, it was less than a year ago that I packed up my life and moved into my little piece of heaven. But as I sit here and think of all I have to look forward to, my thoughts turn to gratitude for my time there. It was a healing place for me, and I pray with all my heart that the girl who moves in will experience the same peace, contentment, and serenity that I have this last year.
“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out–plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen.
When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.
Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.
I’ll turn things around for you…You can count on it.”
PS: The link I put in there leads you to the post where I moved into the cottage…and it talks about how I was never, ever going to move again. It made me smile to read that. I am so glad that Someone has better plans than I do myself. I’d hate to think of missing out on Germany and so many blessings just because I was too stubborn to think about moving again. Yes, I’ll miss you Jackson Street Cottage, but I know everything is going to be okay.