The Secret’s Out

This is the first official post I wrote in my original blog called His Heart, My Song, which kicked off in January of 2010. When I went public with my story for the first time, my heart was in my throat and my pulse was through the roof.  Sharing the details of my encounter with bulimia was hard at first, but as you will see, the truth is always the best way to go, and I have found such freedom thoughout the “pages” of this weblog.

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We might as well be honest here. I have been writing in my journal my whole life it seems, and those volumes (and I MEAN volumes) of books, whether spiral bound or pieces of paper stuffed in an envelope, contain what I used to think was my biggest secret. I have learned over the past few years that it is okay to have secrets. It is okay to have little pieces of life tucked away for you and you alone. Sometimes secrets seem like friends. But my secret was not like that. It wasn’t kind to me; it wasn’t comforting. It was destructive. Ladies and gentlemen, people of the jury, I am a recovering bulimic. Some of you knew, but I am pretty sure majority rules in favor of not knowing that. This isn’t going to be one of those blogs that lead up to a wonderfully exciting adoption or wedding or job promotion. It is going to be a blog that takes you through my journey from addiction to the rest of my life as a reformed addict. I think that we can all relate to addiction in some way. Addiction isn’t about drugs, alcohol, smoking, sex, gambling, racing, speeding, food, or T.V. Addiction is about a co-dependency; a compulsion or obsession so strong that you literally feel as though you will die without feeling that high. And mine just happened to be throwing up each time I felt like a failure. Try telling me you haven’t felt like that at some point in your life.

Throughout the next several months, I have big dreams for this blog. I want to take you inside my world. I want to let you see what these past 6 (yes, 6) years of my life have been like. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I hope you will maybe see that we all struggle, we all fall down. But it’s time to stand up. It’s time.

~C~

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If you’re interested in reading more of my “confessions”, check out my archive called Looking Back (located on the right-hand toolbar), and start with the January/February/March posts of 2010. You’ll find some sometimes-graphic but always-honest posts about my journey and recovery there.

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